Teenage Mutant Ninja Tantrum

Conversation in Woolies checkout:

“Mummy can I please get that Ninja Turtles Magazine?”

“That’s for big boys I think darling. How do you know about ninja turtles anyway?”

“No, look, it says 4 on it.”

(looks) “Hmm you’re right. But I don’t think we’ll get it today.”

“Why not? I’ve been good. Really, really…”

“Well you have been helping me with this shopping, but you screamed at me and pushed your little brother this morning, didn’t you?”

(tiny voice) “Yes.”

“I think this would be a very special treat for being really good and not doing that sort of naughty thing at all, don’t you?”

“But Mummy, if you get me this I promise I’ll be really really good tomorrow.”

“How about if you’re really good all of tomorrow, I might get it for you at the end of the day?”

“But Mum, I want it NOW.”

“I said no, not now.”

“Mummy, if you don’t get it I’m actually going to be really naughty tomorrow.”

(At this point a nearby shopper snorts)

“Oh really? Blackmail? Well, we don’t give in to terrorist demands around here, sorry.”

(Cue screaming and arguing for remainder of checkout experience.)

He totally did this too, but internally.

Yes, this was us. But was I bovvered? Nup! My mummy armour was on and impervious to whingeing, and today I didn’t give a shit if people heard the grizzling and had an Opinion on it; I did not crumple, and my sense of humour was even tickled at my baby Machiavelli over there. And while he bellowed with the outrage of the thwarted four year old for the next 5 minutes straight, by the time we all rode the trolley together in the carpark he was back to his normal chatty self.

This is our system, and it works for us. Well, NOW it does… the four year old has spent the past two years learning to follow the system. Now it’s the two year old’s turn to try his luck, and fun times with foot stamping hilarity lies ahead.

– Michelle